THE MANNERS DOMINA

Now for a Personal Question

2009-07-22T09:35:00.003-04:00

Some of you out in the world are fashion-minded and I would appreciate your help. I have set my sights on a Claire McCardell dress (pictured) from the 40s. Now, I know that usually McCardell pieces are museum pieces, obviously this number is not nice enough to be a museum piece or it would have been snatched up already. However, the question remains...is it too nice for me to be wearing out and about town? You know that "too precious to wear so it hangs in your closet because you are ridiculous and don't want to damage it through use so you damage it through the moths in your wardrobe" type of "too nice."

The dress's lines are a bit old-fashioned but I think it is a very sweet little number and a Claire McCardell to boot, a designer I have always loved and adored. Anyway, please offer opinions in the comments...I need them!

Waaaah, Why Won't He Marry Me?!?!

2009-07-12T10:14:00.002-04:00

Ok, this isn't really related to manners, but I'm cranky and this irritated me so I decided who better to foist my irritation upon than the internet?

In my Sunday morning watching of crap TV while I eat breakfast, I'm watching "Moving Up" a show where old owners of houses go back and trash the new owners' taste. It is truly a terrible show, I don't even know why I watch it, other than to see how people react, but anyway, moving on to the quote above...

There is this woman who is moving to Newport, RI and the first words out of her mouth were "I don't know why he won't marry me???? We've been dating for 15 years and after 10 years when I started talking about marriage and kids--he bought me a dog." She goes on to say that she is moving to entice her boyfriend to marry her and that she will decorate to his accord so that he'll marry her.

Well readers, she is one of those people that you can't even get all angry and feminist to because she is so sad and pathetic you just want to hug her, take her out for drinks, and explain why she should move on and he will never marry her. Or buy her a copy of "He's just not that into you." I wanted to reach through the television to just give her a wake-up call even though I know she'll be that woman who is never happy and never has a fulfilled life the way she wants to have it because this guy is not for her. I'd also like to scream at her that a woman doesn't need marriage and that she should move for her, decorate for herself, and live her own life, but you know, even I have a soft spot.

The Domina in a Rage

2009-06-01T13:09:00.002-04:00

There are some situations that stress the bounds of manners to their breaking point, and the murder of Dr. George Tiller is one of those situations. Tiller was one of the few doctors in the United States that will still perform late term abortions and therefore he drew the ire, and malice, of extremists on the other side of the issue. I understand that not everyone agrees with abortion and that some people who do think there should be limits on it. I am not one of those people, and yet, I respect their opinion as their own opinion.

My question for the murderer of Dr. Tiller is this--you believe abortion is murder and that murder is a sin, so why is it acceptable for you to MURDER another human because you don't agree with him? Do you not think that is a sin that you will go to hell for? Because you have indeed sinned again the God you claim to believe in and you are no better than Dr. Tiller even by your own standards. This has always mystified me, that a supposedly "pro-life" person could murder an abortion doctor--yes it is ironic, but even beyond that, do these people really not see the great hypocrisy involved in being for one life and taking another?

I believe Dr. Tiller did this nation a great service, a service that is quickly becoming unavailable to women because less and less doctors are performing late term abortion and even less are learning how to do the procedure. I fear for women in our country and the continuing restriction of our rights and I beg you, even if you are not pro-abortion, consider being pro-choice because even if you wouldn't have an abortion for yourself, surely you must understand the need to have the choice, nay the freedom, to our own bodies.

Bad Teachers

2009-05-13T16:31:00.002-04:00

Some of you may or may not know this, but, I have a job in the arts, and I love my particular field, but I am finding that my field does not really love me. To wit, a few years post-grad school and no great dream job, not even a job I love, or maybe kind of like, just a crap job in my field. So, not one to wallow (HA!), I am thinking about retraining in something a bit more practical and job friendly. Don't get me wrong all of you readers in the arts, the arts are fabulous, and if you can get a job, hold onto it for dear life, it is just I am in a niche section of arts, and I fear there are just not nearly enough jobs or funding to support all of us training in our niche.

So, back to retraining--I am taking classes at a community college, which makes me most likely the oldest person in history to ever attend classes at a community college. I know. I feel like a grandmother most of the time, but, I MOST feel like a grandmother when I have to work in group projects. In one of my groups, one of the members submitted her portion of our paper entirely in text speak. I am not kidding. First person, text speak, LOLs included, all the way. I quickly offered to "edit" the entire group project and made something out of this girl's mess, but it left me wondering....how did this girl get through high school? Or even middle school?

If I remember correctly, back in the dark ages, we had to diagram sentences in 6th grade, maybe 7th, and we were NEVER allowed to use colloquialisms in our writing in high school. It had to be professional, formal speech all the way if it was going to be submitted. So where in the [too many years] since I graduated high school did things change? I know there are good teachers out there, because I am related to some of them (!), but are there so many bad teachers out there that they just don't care to help these students in life? What about her previous college professors who let her submit work of that quality? I'm putting bad teachers on notice (to take a page from Stephen Colbert), because even if text-speak is becoming horribly ubiquitous, it is never acceptable for business correspondence or resumes and isn't a teacher's job in life to prepare their students for living life in the real world? Whatever happened to that notion?

Has it really been this long?

2009-05-05T14:30:00.002-04:00

In fact it has been so long that I am almost on the verge of the proverbial "close up shop." It has been a beast of a semester and now that I am both working full time and going to school full time I remember why I worked merely part time the first time around in college. Wow does this suck. Kudos to all of you who work, go to school, and have a family to raise because how the heck you do it, I don't know.

Anyway, now that the semester is almost over (1 final to go!) and I can breathe for a week, I present to you your first mannerly post in ages.

Woman at the testing center--where are your manners?
This woman insists on sounding REALLY put out if you call to try to arrange a testing time (for distance learning) and after having to call her all semester I am teetering on the verge asking her if maybe she didn't want to find a new job that did not wholly encompass scheduling people for testing. Please do not bitch at me when I am merely asking you to do your job. You don't have to be my best friend, just schedule me.
Also, when I come in to take the test, and you send me off to the remote testing room of your choice (Bio lab!) please do not come in and LOUDLY rearrange the room. It is not your job to actually proctor the test, but I don't even mind your presence, however, perhaps read a magazine or book while you proctor me? Please do not try to accomplish the absolute loudest possible feats of imagination. This woman was literally disassembling a skeleton (fake) and slamming every bone down on the lab table. Then loudly huffing and the job and throwing it all, bone by bone, into a suitcase. No lie. I wish I had a picture of the skeleton in the suitcase but alas, I do not.

How has everyone else been lo these past months? Run into any manner-beasts?

Bad Blogger!

2009-02-25T12:13:00.003-05:00

Ok, I've been away a terribly long time......sorry lovely readers, between school and work and local theater stuff I've been too swamped to be irritated by bad manners. Wait, that's not really true! Anon!

The woman who had 8 babies:
Now, I believe in reproductive rights, and I think that everyone has the freedom to do what they want with their family. The fact that she is on welfare and lives at home with her mom would mean that she probably can't afford 14 children in total and I have heard her say that she loves the surge and attention of having babies b/c babies are great (which leads me to think she might be slightly mentally ill). But it is not the mom whom I am taking to task here.....I am taking her doctor to task. Implanting 6 embryos!!! Absolutely unacceptable and from what I know about standard infertility treatments, that is NOT what is the usual. Usually you have about 2 or 3 embryos implanted for the safety of the babies and the mother. What kind of doctor would agree to do this? Why is he not being scrutinized by the media? That is where our ire and focus should lie.

A Reader Submission--Thank You Notes, What Not to Do

2009-01-16T17:26:00.002-05:00

I have been a bit remiss in checking my email as of late, so imagine my surprise when I opened it today and found a lovely email from a reader, we'll call her S. S linked me with these on Craigslist. Oh, the humanity! This is a horror to my eyes and my sensibilities! FILL IN THE BLANK thank you notes (in case the pictures are not large enough). S wondered if perhaps she was old-fashioned for thinking that thank you notes should be written out by hand (or I guess typed if you are lacking hands) and related an amusing anecdote about Santa taking back all the presents if he was not properly thanked.

Reader's, I hope this is just an anomaly and there are not more out there, but I FEAR for our society in which, when one receives a thoughtful gift, one is too busy to take the time to write out an equally thoughtful note and instead turns to this meaningless, fill-in-the-blank abomination. All this does is alert the gift-giver that one is not deserving of a gift in the future.

And for good measure, a proper thank you note should be hand-written (as discussed above), one should open with a sentence or two about how good it was to see the gift-giver, or how it has been too long since you have seen said gift-giver, and then move on to how thoughtful the gift of X (if money, it is alright to just say gift) was and how precisely you will use it or what you will do with said gift. Then you sign off with some mention of how you look forward to seeing gift-giver soon, or something lovely of the sort, and then sign off with your platitude of choice (sincerely, love, best wishes). And yes, you do this even if you don't like the gift.

On Notice--My Pores

2009-01-08T10:36:00.002-05:00

To steal a line from Stephen Colbert, Pores, I'm putting you on notice.

What has happened in the past week that you went from looking lovely and small to looking like GIANT FRECKLES. No joke. I don't know how or why this has happened, it has never happened before and I NEED to know how to fix it, PRONTO!

Truly, I looked at my face and thought, hmmmm, those are some new freckles, and then moved closer to the mirror and put my glasses on and lo and behold, they are my pores. Anyone have any good suggestions?

Also, this cool photo is human skin seen under a microscope, showing hair shaft and sweat pores. Mine are sadly not this cool, but they are enormous.

Dear Lady at the Gym

2009-01-08T10:30:00.003-05:00

Please stop misting me in the face with antibacterial cleanser.

Once in a blue moon I drag myself out from under my pile of bread and butter crumbs and laziness to go to the gym. I even went twice this past week, shocking, I know. But while I was happily spinning away on the Arc Trainer watching The Food Network (is there anything worse than watching Ina Garten cook while you are trying to work out? Why do I torture myself?) I get hit with a quick one-two punch of sprays from the disinfectant bottle. I turn to see the woman on the machine next to me cleaning off her machine, very nice, by the way, but spraying it so far and wide that it actually misted my face. I glared at her, as I am wont to do in these situations, but she did not take the hint and continued to mist me.

Fast forward to a day later, when I am again, torturing myself at the gym, and AGAIN I feel the antibacterial mist of death and when I turn, IT IS THE SAME WOMAN. What is wrong with her that she cannot contain her spray??? I wanted to say something desperately, something nice even, just a polite, "excuse me, could you redirect your spray to the machine and not my face" but just couldn't muster the energy (all of it naturally going to the Arc Trainer).

It is too bad my gym does not have these face cloths, because this would eliminate my problem, and surely many others.

Friendly People

2008-12-29T12:32:00.003-05:00

I used to think this was just a "southern thing" but I've seen it spreading apace to points north as well. What is this scourge, you ask? Strangers who talk to you and ask you questions. While I know it is probably considered nice and polite to smile and say hi to random strangers, I've never seen the point in it. What is worse is the amount of random people who will try to strike up an entire conversation with you at the airport, or in line at the grocery store, or anywhere in public, for that matter. My private life is private and while small-talk is fine, I GUESS, I don't really want to know the intimate details of your life just because we happen to be standing next to each other and I'm certainly not going to share mine with you. Please don't ask. And then when I give generic answers, please don't pry further. It is maddening and obtrusive and rude! Phew. I feel much better now.

Bait and Switch

2008-12-08T10:06:00.002-05:00

Bait and switch. It happens all the time in business and with goods, but what about when it happens in people. You befriend someone based on their apparent personality and then after you get to know them, BAM! their true self shows through with a switcheroo. This happens all the time with acquaintances and "work friends" but the worst two I can think of is when a long-term friend or a significant other pull the bait-and-switch.

You know, that boyfriend, who seems absolutely lovely, and all your friends think he's fabulous....you date him for, oh, 4 months, and all if wonderful, but then, as the months go by, around the 6 month mark, WHAM! he becomes that weirdo you pretend to not see as you walk by on the street. He starts getting irritated with you friends, or ignores you for video games constantly, or releases his inner psycho and leaves you wondering, WHAT THE HECK JUST HAPPENED? You see, what has happened is that he or she has lulled you into that comfort zone, where you feel alright letting out a few of your quirks and then slams you with all the baggage he or she has been carrying around.

Then there is that friend, that girl or guy you knew in high school/college, or lived with in college, that seems like fun and you always have a good time together. Then you graduate and the wild good times end and you have to start waking up at 5:30am and going to a job and can't go out every night. That's when you realize, when the haze of alcohol and cigarettes fades, your friend is not who he or she appeared to be. In fact, said friend, is lazy, and whiny, and only wants to talk about him or herself, only, before it was drunken ramblings and now it is full-time, 100% annoying and you don't know how you got yourself into it, or how to get yourself out of it. It's times like these that you wish there were a lemon law for people.

Being the Bigger Person

2008-12-03T12:00:00.002-05:00

You know, that phrase you use when you are trying to feel all self-righteous about NOT saying something to someone when they have offended you, wronged you, or angered you? Well, usually I advise people to let things go, but there is this one woman. Well, why lie here, there are two women, who I want to verbally bitch-slap every time I encounter either of them. One is a whiny, complainy, "woe-is-me why can't I find a man" elitist and the other is a "all the men must bow before me and no other women may outshine me in any way" jealous and irrational type who also thinks she knows everything. To boot both are so judgmental you would think they sat at the right hand of the Father. Anyway, tempering my verbal rage is difficult because they both have a way of insulting you, but trying to make it seem like it is not an insult. Being somewhat of a master of this technique, I see right through their attempts and fully know I am being insulted. And I want to retaliate so badly with torrent of thinly veiled insults that will spin their heads around and yet I don't. Because I try to be the bigger person. But believe me, I look for every excuse I can possibly find to potentially release my black tongue but every time I think I've found something, I remember that they are petty and small and jealous and insecure and I am not and should rise above it. But man does it suck.

Holiday Manners-What Would TheDomina Do?

2008-11-24T10:47:00.003-05:00

From our dear lalaland: what to do when you gather with your family, most of whom have very different politics from you, and someone starts going into a religious spiel? This happened to me, and I just kind of stared at the floor until it was over. It was Christmas, but we went from The Christmas Story to people should accept God or go to H.

Tough situation! I've been in that situation before(with a Mother-in-Law who is righter and more vocal than Rush Limbaugh) as well. With your specific situation, you could have tried to throw in a segue about how most religions view the holiday season as one for being thankful for what you have and being kind and generous to others and then throw out what you're thankful for, type of thing to redirect the conversation.

In general family-type situations when religion or politics come up, I find that how you react should depend on who is doing the spouting. If it is your close friend or family and you feel comfortable giving your opinion of things, you should do so, politely, of course and then if they continue to spout excuse yourself from the conversation. If it is someone you don't know that well, or your significant other's family whom you are trying to impress, you should probably hold your tongue, or say very little and then excuse yourself. In any event it is unwise and impolite to get into a full-out argument over it at the holidays (and VERY impolite of them to keep haranguing you over it).

Vacation All I Ever Wanted

2008-11-23T10:35:00.002-05:00

Wow, back from a week-long vacation, sadly not to a sunny locale where I lounged pool-side but lovely all the same. Except for the horrid manners of other people, naturally. I saw the following on our trip:

Numerous people stand there and watch a man in a wheelchair struggle with opening and getting through a door (seriously, how do you not simply open the door for him, it's a common courtesy even if the person isn't in a wheelchair).
While tailgating at a football game someone stole food out of our cooler (my question is, why not steal the whole cooler? Why just some things out of it, were our other foods not tasty enough?).
People throwing their trash, literally, all over the place, with no regard to the people who have to come around and clean it up.

But we also saw some very nice people, such as:

The nice gentleman at the farmer's market who gave us two free hydroponic tomatoes just for visiting his market.
The very funny gentleman at a used bookshop who made actual interesting and witty smalltalk instead of the usual drivel.
Two children with an adorable Boston Terrier/French bulldog mix puppy sitting outside a market waiting for their parents; these kids were absolute angels and polite to boot.

Now that I'm back I'll be posting more regularly, so check back and send in your holiday manners quandaries and horror stories (or commendations) if you have them!

Disappointment

2008-11-05T12:40:00.002-05:00

I am so happy that people are happy and celebratory and "new hope for change" feelings are abounding. But I am disappointed, not in the presidential election though. I am disappointed in the citizens of California, Florida, and Arizona who passed propositions to ban gay marriage or limit marriage to those unions between a man and a woman.

Normally I take the high road, understanding that the concept of my politics is different from other people's ideals BUT in this case, I can't stay silent. WHO ARE YOU to say that two people can't get married. It is absolutely NONE of your business. Marriage is elementally a governmental institution, not a religious one, so while I understand if you don't want to marry someone of the same sex you have NO right to take that away from someone else. ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE is all that springs to mind, plus a few choice 4-letter words a polite domina should not say here. I don't care why your self-righteous person thinks that you are the final arbiter in what people should or should not do, but you are not perfect, you commit sins-yes, you do-and you are not one to decide the fate of happiness.

For those of you who say that gay marriage ruins the sanctity of marriage--there was a study done in France which found that actually CIVIL UNIONS led to MANY less marriages because once heterosexuals and homosexuals were allowed to have civil unions they chose that route instead of marriage. So think of that the next time you trot out the cliche "oh I think THEY can have civil unions, but not get married" line. What you did here was prejudiced and an enormous step backward and I am disappointed in ashamed of all of you who voted to pass those propositions.

Heart-Warming Tales from the Voting Lines

2008-11-04T11:48:00.002-05:00

At the moment I'm hooked on Comedy Central's election coverage to ease my tension over this election. But when I went to the polls today, I had a fairly long wait. I expected pushing, shoving, people yelling, people electioneering, and so on and so forth. BUT, lo and behold, what was my time in line like? A pleasure. Honestly. People were chatty, happy, despite the rain and the long wait time. People around me encouraged others walking by to vote, regardless of party, just to get in line and vote as a civic duty. We chatted amicably about the election, there were students (living in a college town has its perks I guess) handing out cider, parents teaching young kids about voting. It warmed my stony heart right up. Most people waited patiently, and though there were a few that were angling to jump the queue, I won't dwell on them, they will get what they deserve eventually. For right now I'm just happy that I was with a few hundred people who were happy to be standing there, waiting to vote.

Pet Peeve Feature: For Our Friends at All the Blues

2008-11-03T21:19:00.004-05:00

In the comments lalaland13 mentioned one of her Pet Peeves: people entering the exit, and exiting the entrance (dirty joke not included here, but you know, use your imagination...).

People, this is not only annoying, it is probably dangerous, or at the very least, disruptive. There is a good reason these pathways are marked as such, and whether you are in a vehicle or on foot, it would behoove you to pay attention to these demarcations. You are not entitled to forge your own way when driving on a highway or entering/exiting a parking lot, or a store, for that matter. This is not a hike in the woods reminiscent of "two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both..." You are not allowed to take the path less traveled in this situation, become a lemming, follow the crowd! At the very least is merely makes you look incapable of reading or interpreting arrows, and no one wants that, do they? And one day you might run into lalaland13 and she might beat you up, or at least make you sorry.

Do you have a Pet Peeve? Send it on and I'll lay the mannerly smackdown on the offenders of such crimes!

Voting Etiquette

2008-11-03T21:08:00.002-05:00

For those of you who were not lucky enough to vote early, tomorrow is a big day filled with standing in lines and dealing with cranky people who are late for, taking time from, or have just finished their grueling day at work. This is where my handy voting etiquette comes into play.

The normal "crowd" rules of no pushing and shoving always apply, but here are some more to keep in mind:

Be polite and smiley with your poll workers--they are donating their time to the election, do not take out your bad day on these nice people.
Have an idea BEFORE you get into the voting booth for whom you are voting--it will help keeps lines short and move things along speedily. Normally your precinct will have a blank ballot for you to check out at home so you know what it will look like.
Do not yell or heckle at anyone else at the polling place. Not even the people who will be standing outside the designated area with party signs. Just because they might not share your views does not mean you have the right to ridicule them, no matter what you think of their views.
Park your car or bike in designated areas. Just because you are busy doesn't mean you can double-park or park in a handicapped spot (unless, you know, you need it) just so you can get in and out quicker.
BE PATIENT AND CONSIDERATE--it is a long day for all of us, let's keep it civil, shall we?

If all else fails and you are besieged by people not following my handy tips just keep repeating my favorite mantra "I am the bigger person, I will not lower myself to their level."

Happy Voting Everyone!

And back to manners!

2008-10-14T16:52:00.002-04:00

When did it become acceptable NOT to hold the door open for the person following you? Or to shove your way into a doorway while someone else is trying to exit as you open a door? Both of these things happened to me today (while I was purchasing a delicious baked good, which somewhat soothed my ire). Two grown men shoved their way into a door I was exiting, effectively sticking all three of us with no where to go and then shoved me backwards so that they could get in. I was so flabbergasted I nearly boxed both of them on the ears.

Exactly previous to this I was leaving my building directly behind someone and they let the door slam in my face! Maybe I'm old school, but I always hold open the door when someone is behind me, even if they are more than a few steps behind me. Is it the apocalypse coming? I thought this was just a generally held etiquette, am I wrong?

A lesson in words

2008-10-14T16:45:00.004-04:00

There was a time when people chose their words carefully, they did so because words meant something. They help you express your thoughts, your dreams, your desires, your promises, and your apologies, they should not be misused. I'm sure everyone has had that experience of saying something without thinking about it, and having it backfire on them, I know I have. But, what really gets to me is when politicians (across the board, all parties) just say words that are meaningless. And what is worse, everyone knows they are meaningless but they don't demand more. When you hear a speech or a presidential debate all you hear are the current "buzz words" that the campaign is pushing, but what do those words mean? What they really mean to say is "you are dumb and lazy and we will use these exciting sounding words to our advantage and hope that no one calls us out on it because we just want you to hear a word you are interested in and then vote our way. We will do nothing in reality to match these words, but don't worry about that now, just vote for us." They are trying to pull the wool over our eyes by blinding us with meaningless drivel and it must stop!

It's all well and good to make up funny drinking games and whatnot based on how often Sarah Palin says "Maverick!" but in reality, what does it say about our society that people are taken in by words that mean nothing. They are just words, meant to attract attention, not to teach us anything, not to tell us anything about that particular person. And that leaves me very sad at the state we are in.

Volunteering and Donations

2008-10-01T10:02:00.002-04:00

I volunteer my time to a few organizations in my area. It ends up that for quite a few months out of the year, I put in almost 100% of my free time to volunteering for these causes, and while I am happy to do it, one of these organizations has pushed me over the edge. What did they do, you ask? Well, they informed me that by taking on a new position within the organization, meaning that I would have to volunteer much more time and energy, that I would also have to pony up a monetary donation to their building fund. Just because I offered to take on more responsibilities.

Now, one would think that I would be able to just donate what my little heart desired, I mean after all, that's why they are called donations. But NO. There is a "suggested donation" amount, an amount which literally took the breath away from my already underpaid heart. There would be no way I could pay this amount and still eat or even drive a car to do my volunteer work. So, the question is, do I pony it up so I can keep my otherwise enjoyable volunteer work going (consequently having to eat like I have moved to a starving nation), tell them that I will donate X amount and if they don't like it, resign from the volunteer work, or resign altogether out of indignation that the higher ups in this organization would DARE treat someone who freely gives their time and energy to a cause in this SHAMEFUL manner? Any opinions?

Friends...or are you?

2008-09-24T16:41:00.002-04:00

Prepare yourselves for a bit of a maudlin post here....which is why the cartoon should cheer you up a notch. The thing about friends is that they're supposed to love you and understand that you love them even if they are disappointed in you, right? I mean, it's like family, but family that you chose to hang around. Well most recently I had an enormous falling out with friends over something that they thought was the be all, end all and I thought was very disappointing but not life-or-death, and in the end, I have decided to part ways with them. Sadly they're some of my oldest friends, but here's the thing....I sort of feel that if there were true friends, they would have understood my reasons for not doing the certain thing that they really, really wanted me to do, and because they couldn't guilt me into doing said thing, they decided to hate me. Which is really childish, and not friendly at all, actually. It deserves its own LOLCat of "Frendship, ur doin it rong." It just goes to show that even when you are...ahem...advanced in age, so to speak, there is still middle school and high school drama and girl-on-girl crime to deal with.

Why I Hate Email...

2008-09-24T16:28:00.003-04:00

Well maybe not email, per se, but the ability to send every little though in your brain to everyone you know with one click. The email forward. An extended family member of mine has a particular penchant for sending on the most ridiculous email forwards with titles like "WARNING" or "PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU LOVE" and the like. Well I usually ignore these, but this one I could not sit by and ignore. This one was about how microwave use will kill you and your children if you eat food reheated with one. DIE. Now, are microwaves super healthy, no probably not, but the insinuation that everyone on this woman's address book was slowly killing themselves and their family by reheating food on occassion is ridiculous. I so wanted there to be a Snopes article refuting it, but of course there wasn't so I had to bite my tongue. Well, by bite my tongue I mean I sent off a missive that she was scare-mongering her family and was being ridiculous and that maybe she should stop using HER OWN MICROWAVE and cell phone for that matter and anything else harmful in her life. I never received anything back...think she took me off of her mailing list? One can only hope.

What is Wrong with People?

2008-09-10T16:39:00.003-04:00

Over here: http://buttercuppunch.wordpress.com/2008/09/09/greetings-from-hell-part-two-groped-on-a-city-bus/ they are discussing an incident that has riled TheDomina’s spirits fully. I won’t go into the details here—go check out the post—but the fact that a man on public transportation felt it acceptable to pleasure himself while trying to stroke a woman sitting next to him is so utterly disgusting, there are not enough words in the English language for me to express my distaste and horror.

The post’s author did not chastise the man and now is beating herself up for it, but as a very wise commenter stated, in the moment you know you are being violated, but not quite enough to warrant a public scene. Then once you get home, you are horrified at your own inaction. I encourage anyone and everyone, if this occurs to you, do not sit idly by, publicly shame the offender because if WE let someone get away with doing something like that, it only encourages more people to try it.

If you are in the public eye, what is your right to privacy?

2008-09-03T16:12:00.003-04:00

There is a trend, not a new trend by any means, but a trend to scrutinize the private lives of politicians. While some of this is because they bring it on themselves by say, campaigning and creating laws against the very thing they are doing (why hello ex-Governor Spitzer, how are you?), others are scrutinized simply for being a politician. Barack Obama and Mitt Romney, are examples of pretty normal human beings who haven't done much in the way of scandalous behavior. Then there are Hilary Clinton and Joe Biden who have some semi-scandals out in the public discourse, but nothing that you don't see with any normal business persons. Even Sarah Palin and John McCain, while their scandals are a bit more salacious (fake baby-bearing and wife-maltreatment, respectively) should they really be open for public scrutiny?

If you opened your life to the media, wouldn't they find out some things that you would rather not lay bare to the world? I know I would, and I haven't even done anything that salacious. The point is, when looking at how these candidates would run the country, does their personal life really matter? Or is it just fodder for the easily-bored masses?

Please discuss in the comments!

YOU'RE HOW OLD???

2008-08-26T13:09:00.002-04:00

My birthday is no where near, and yet, recently many people have inquired as to my age (which is rude in the first place). When I politely tell them, they reply "OH MY GOD/HOLY S#!T YOU DON'T LOOK THAT OLD!" This is the point at which I attempt to control my murderous rage and fuming, tell them that since I am actually that old, this is quite what my age looks like. I appreciate that they are trying to pay me a compliment by saying I look nice, but what they are actually saying is, "Wow, you are really, really old, at least you look decent." Which, my dear friends and readers, is not a compliment at all. One could simply say, "Oh, really? I would have guessed you were X years old." if one is trying to convey that I look younger (which, by the way, I do not, I look exactly the same as all of the other people I know who are near my age).

I would think this would be common sense, but apparently people feel free to assess and comment freely on anything these days, but I will plead my readers, if you hear I am in jail for assault, you know why.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say...

2008-08-26T10:57:00.002-04:00

...come sit next to me. I must say, I am quite good at keeping secrets, but is that person you just told your secret to, trustworthy? This is the essential thing to keep in mind in terms of gossip, venting, and secret telling. Now, we've always been told gossip is bad, one shouldn't spread something that might not be true, and I agree with that, HOWEVER sometimes, you deal with a person that infuriates you to the point that you must, must vent about your feelings, or risk exploding. When that happens, it is best if you find someone you can trust implicitly to vent to, so that you know your emotions, which may hurt someone's feelings, will not be gossiped about to the infuriating person. It is not polite to hurt someone just because they are being their infuriating selves. You can't change a person, so venting helps, but remember, that person has feelings, and you would hate for someone to tell you about your own shortcomings, so remember that the person you hate right now, might not know they are driving you crazy. The same goes for telling a secret, if you have one about yourself you want to share, please, make sure you are telling an appropriate person and not the town gossip.

Now, all of the above rules, which apply to real life, should also be employed on the web, particularly on blogs. As anonymous as it seems, there are people with very real feelings out there in blog-land, and one should remember that in writing missives on the internet, very real people are reading them, and the rules of etiquette apply even if you never meet someone in real life.

Of course, I try to keep to the missive that I will never say anything about someone that I would not say to their face, and it generally works in most situations. Remember, when you are polite you come out looking like the winner in these affairs, the person who is "above it all," and that is worth the price of filtering your true thoughts.

Rudeness on the Telephone

2008-08-23T09:06:00.003-04:00

I've tackled mobile phones here once but now I've found rudeness on the home landline telephone. In my house, it is generally understood that telephone calls before 8am are reserved for emergencies and birthdays (or my lovely sister who is the exception b/c this is one of the few times we actually get to talk to each other with our busy schedules). When the telephone does ring that early it is usually one of the above circumstances or a telemarketer, so imagine my surprise when the other day, on answering the telephone, I heard my mother-in-law's voice on the other end. "Oh, are you getting ready for work?" she asked. "Yes, we are...." I trailed off, hoping she would take the hint. Of course, she did not take the hint and instead launched into her missive which had nothing to do with birthdays or emergencies and served as a general annoyance. I dealt with it for 20 minutes before passing her over to her own child, but in that 20 minutes my blood began to boil.

She had recognized we were busy with our morning rituals and yet she decided that her idle chat was more important; HER needs were more important than us getting to work on time. I imagine when telephones were first introduced, mother-in-laws everywhere were delighted by the opportunity this brought for them to intrude on their family's lives on a whim, without having to write a letter, knowing what they are doing at any moment. It made me wish that we still had telephone operators so that after my mother-in-law had disconnected I could have told the operator, whose name I imagine to be Fanny, please, Fanny dear, no telephone calls this early unless it is an emergency, and begged for Fanny's sympathies since in my fantasy she had of course been listening in on the mundane family gossip.

Common Public Courtesy

2008-08-21T18:34:00.002-04:00

I walk or ride my bicycle to work and my new nemesis in this venture is the industrial ride-on mower and the people who operate them. For some reason they feel no shame in spraying me with dust, grass clipping, leaves, and the like as I pass by, when they could simply turn the machine off, or to idle, wait for me to pass, and then begin. I must say that one incredibly nice man does indeed do just this, smiling politely as I yell over to thank him profusely. This man is eternally in my good graces. All of the other people, well, let's say they are not so. I have been blown over by a leaf blower, dusted head to toe with dirt as a mower passed close by on a track with no grass, and blown with a shower of grass clippings, and that is just in the past two weeks.

I realize you all have a job to do, but, please, think of the allergic, the asthmatic, the freshly showered people of the world--I beg you, idle your engine as I pass so that I may enter my office not smelling like I bathed in dirt and grass, I promise I will be cheerfully enamored of your kind consideration.

Bien dans votre peau

2008-08-18T10:30:00.002-04:00

Literally this translates from French to "good in your skin" but it means comfortable with your body. I know, I know, a body post just after I've posted an age post! The French will use this phrase as a put down to Americans because we are notoriously not comfortable in our skin. When I was studying abroad in high school, I found that very often, a French girl would stroll into the room and all heads would turn (and I mean ALL) and it wasn't because she was super thin, or gorgeous, or supermodel-y, it was because she had confidence. All of the girls on exchange wanted to know her secret, but it was not to be, back at home we were teased about our bodies far too often to feel comfortable in them, or to even pretend.

Now we all know that "French Women Don't Get Fat" and I'm sure that may be true to some extent, I've also seen plenty of fat French people. What we here need to take to heart is that bodies should not be ridiculed, they should be revered. Not every body is meant to look like a stick with two enormous balloons attached to it and if we could only educate the children to this, perhaps when they grew up they wouldn't be so cruel as to poke fun at the different bodies they discover. Children are wonderfully malleable, their behavior, how they interact with others, is mostly learned from others, and if parents could make the time and effort to educate them and be tolerant themselves of body issues, perhaps our society could have a bit more confidence.

I'm not advocating morbid obesity or anorexia as a way of life, merely that perfectly healthy-weighted girls and women who are shaped like apples, pears, strawberries, hourglasses, or pretzel sticks should not be laughed at and ridiculed for not conforming to the broomstick/balloon ideal we so often see upheld.

What to do when someone smells: A reader question

2008-08-15T12:46:00.002-04:00

Well, today this Domina-mail arrived in my inbox:
"What is the best way to handle the situation when someone you work with is over-applying their perfume or cologne?"

Tough question, dear reader, but I must break down my answer:
If the person in question is your boss, and you would like to keep your job, or your advancement potential, then there is really no delicate way to tell him or her without causing some sort of office-strife. I suggest retreating to your office and try not to breathe too deeply, sorry lovely reader.

If the person in question is your co-worker, you could pull him or her aside one day and delicately explain that although you love his or her scent, you are having some sort of reaction to it and would greatly appreciate it if him or her laid off the scent slightly or altogether. A well-placed white lie, never hurt anyone, and goes a long way to soothing otherwise hurt feeling in this situation.

Good luck!

Age--A Very Indelicate Question

2008-08-13T16:42:00.003-04:00

The gorgeous Dame Maggie Smith, aging naturally (or seeming to), looks what a woman her age should look. Could I guess her age? No, I couldn't, but her face and hands and neck look natural and lovely. Just as someone who is 30, 40, 50, 60, and so on could not be judged or have their age guessed by what they look like.

Recently I told someone how old I was (they had very impolitely asked my age and no manner of "a lady never tells" deterred them from getting an answer) and they replied in a shocked and horrified fashion, "But you don't look THAT OLD!" At which point I politely reminded them that regardless of how old I looked, one should not judge a book by its cover.

These people who inquire your age and then comment on your looks are the reason women (and men) feel pressured to have all manner or wretched plastic surgery to make themselves "look younger." I will tell you here and now, sometimes plastic surgery can work wonders (a slight eye lift, for example, can aid one with severely drooping eyelids that are hampering daily life) but for the people who go in for the overstretched, overly taut, pulled and pushed to the max, I am here to ask you, do you feel better about yourself? You certainly don't look younger so ostensibly it must make you feel younger, or better somehow, however in the quest to look ever ageless our society has forgotten that age and looks never had a correlation to begin with. Your skin, biologically will change over time, it is a fact, it happens even if you have plastic surgery, but no one can or should correlate what you look like to some predetermined age-range that is set out by your crow's feet or laugh lines.

Also, to that young man who asked me my age and then insulted me to boot--Young man, you may be young, compared to me, but you are certainly old enough to know better. Asking anyone their age is horribly uncouth (unless you are a doctor or some other health profession or insurance adjuster), but should you not realize that, recognize this, some day you will be my age and more and you should hope that you do not run into anyone as rude as yourself when that day comes.

How to Behave When YOU are in Charge

2008-08-13T16:25:00.002-04:00

There are many situations in life, in which you might find yourself as the leader, the general, the director, the manger of a certain person or a group of people. Now, when this happens (and I'm sure you are all quite successful, so please, remember this bit), please harken your mind back to the days when you were not the boss, you were the peon, the direction-taker, the underling, the intern, and act accordingly.

Just because you have been given the reigns does not mean you can suddenly treat fully grown adults as if they were your unruly kindergarten class of children, nor your proverbial punching bags for your aggression or your superiority complexes. Not only does it make you look small and weak and the opposite of commanding, it makes those inferior to your position hate you, and when they hate you, you will lose. Every time.

Of course you cannot be everyone's friend, therapist, and guide, but there is such a thing as commanding with grace and dignity and you can stand your ground while still respecting someone else. Yelling at everyone to "close your books, stand up, and watch your mouth" or to "get the $%*K out and do your g*%#%&m job" does not engender any respect and it makes you look like a loon, to boot. You want your inferior's respect and admiration, not their insatiable mockery and eye-rolling behind your back.

Also, this tip works equally as well for people in the service industry, just because they provide you with a service, does not mean you are free to treat them like dirt. Remember, someday you, or someone you know, might be a waitress, bartender, stylist, beauty technician, etc and you will not appreciate it when they or you are stepped upon.

Debunking Stereotypes: The Weak Female

2008-08-13T15:41:00.003-04:00

There are quite a few stereotypes out there these days, but one that infuriates The Domina the most is that women are inherently weak and should not strain or otherwise exert themselves (other than to cook and clean, naturally). I have encountered this quite often lately--I will be asked to help lift a table, comply, only to have another man come running in yelling that one should not ask a woman to help with that sort of task.

I am not trying to say that I personally could carry 200lbs all by myself, however, I'm sure there are some women out there that could (cheers, ladies!). I am fully capable of carrying any manner of furniture, building material, etc. particularly when helping out with someone else. I am sick to death of men supposing that just because of a chromosome, we are inherently unable to use our muscles.

What is worse though, are the women out there who use this stereotype to their advantage. For example, the girl you have all seen, batting her eyes are a man, sighing dramatically, and saying, things like "oh, I just can't carry these books, would you mind terribly? You look so strong." Ladies, if your man, or woman, would like to carry that bag of groceries, or that stack of books, that is lovely of them to offer if it is an offer out of the kindness of their hearts, but please do not reinforce the stereotype! Remember, our feminine wiles should only be used for the good of our gender, not the degradation of it.

Weddings

2008-08-09T08:31:00.003-04:00

These days weddings are often wildly expensive affairs where everyone from your dearest friend to your office acquaintances are invited. In this day and age, it has seemed that brides often take on the oft-used moniker "bridezilla" with their demands and wild spending and feelings of entitlement. TheDomina does not abide by any of the above behavior, but this post is not about poor wedding etiquette, per se, it is more about weddings themselves.

There are oft quoted "wedding rules" regarding gifts, attendance, dress, everything really. And in this mixed up world, somewhere along the line, the people getting married stopped thinking about how the day is about their union and turned it into a contest between their friends to see who is a "better friend." Here is a note for all brides and grooms--weddings are not mandatory events. Sometimes life intervenes with people, in fact when I got married there were many friends who didn't come to our nuptials for various reasons and we did not hold it against them. Often though it is seen as a mortal offense to miss someone's wedding. I am here to tell you, as long as you send a nice note with your response card, and if you are dear friends, call the person and explain, you have done all that is mannerly and in good etiquette to ensure that you have expressed your happy tidings and your regrets and not being able to attend. Friends getting married who encounter this should not turn around and try to guilt the party into attending or cleave them off of their tree of friends. Your wedding is important, but it should be most important to you and your spouse. As long as the two of you show up, along with an officiant and a few witnesses, that is truly all you need to legally cement your life-long commitment to each other.

Lose vs. Loose and other common grammar pitfalls

2008-08-06T10:48:00.000-04:00

Well dear readers, I am becoming a bit of a grammar policewoman, but in reading different websites I have come across some common grammar mistakes that just make my blood boil. Whether due to ignorance or laziness on the part of the writer, it is always helpful to proofread your
work, remember, spell check only checks for
misspelled words, not words used incorrectly but spelled correctly. As you can see above, one would "lose" weight, and at right, we have a perfect example of what it means to be "loose." Now in theory, one could loose weight if you were referring to some type of weights attached tightly to your body, as in, to loosen the weighted ties holding you down.

Other words commonly misused are:
it's/its--Please use it's when contracting it is and use its when something is possessive. This also goes with you're/your--The former is a contraction of you are and the latter a possessive.

they're/there/their--Please use they're when contracting they are, there for a place, and their for the possessive.

effect/affect--Please use effect as a noun and affect as a verb. When you affect a situation, you produce an effect.

i.e./e.g./n.b./etc.--i.e. means "that is to say" or "in other words", e.g. means "for example", n.b. (or nota bene) indicates special attention should be paid to something, etc, or etcetera, means "and so forth" or "continuing in the same way." Most often i.e. and e.g. are confused, so please, when stating an example of something remember to use e.g. and not i.e.

And as a final N.B., please, when there is a large amount of something, there is "a lot" of it. "Alot" is not a word in the English language.

In Defense of the Slip

2008-08-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

The slip (pictured finely on Elizabeth Taylor here) may not seem mannerly, but, it is a girl's best defense--and surprisingly, her best offense as well. In the summer I wear a lot of day dresses and I have found that many of my vintage day dresses are a bit sheer, or just feel like they need an extra layer underneath, but they also add a sexiness to your wardrobe and boost your confidence. At first I was a bit reluctant to buy a slip, erroneously believing it would make me more hot in the summer or bunch up underneath my clothing, but I have found they are quite heavenly when you choose the right fabric.

Walking around town I find that I am not the only person who has the sheer dress syndrome, however I do find that I am one of the few who wear something underneath so as not to show the world what is going on underneath my dress. I am no prude, nudity is perfectly fine with me, I do not shy away from mother's breastfeeding in public or the sight of a mini-skirt or some cleavage but when in a restaurant or at work, we do not see your panties and bra and belly button quite so clearly. If you are at home or on the beach, it's perfectly acceptable to wear something light and airy, but out in the world, slips are the thing. A wise woman once said "If you don't want anyone to know the circumference of your thighs, wear a dress." Well a slip goes even further in helping to mask any lumps and bumps because it helps the dress slip over your frame without clinging.

As for fabric, a nice airy cotton or a slinky silk are best, but there are some very nice blends that do not cling or bunch. I advise looking in vintage stores or online vintage sites for slips on the cheap in gorgeous colors. Some great sites I have found are www.vintagelingerie.biz (excellent pricing and quality), www.vintageslips.com (they are quite pricey but lovely for a splurge), and searching for slips in the vintage section of www.etsy.com. While I've advanced the practical side of slips, truly the best part about them is you are wearing built in lingerie, you are wearing an impromptu nightgown if you have an unplanned night out, they feel cool against your skin, and you can swan about your house pretending to be Elizabeth Taylor. So instead of thinking of a slip as something your grandmother would wear, think of it as something both sexy and demure, empowering you because you have a little flashy secret under that dress you are wearing.

Irritating (and Rude!) People in Your Office, Part 2

2008-07-30T11:14:00.000-04:00

So, all of you were paying attention to my missive on polite bathroom behavior weren't you? I know you were, of course, but now we turn our attention to another office annoyance--The Hoverer. The person who comes over to your desk/area and leans in over your shoulder to see what you are doing on your computer. The dreaded eagle-eyed office busy-body.

We have one here (who doesn't) and it has caused me to set my screen saver to come on, password protected, within 1 minute of inactivity. When I don't feel The Hoverer before he or she gets behind me, inevitably I am faced with the discussion of whatever I may be doing. "Oh, what is that your doing???" or "Sending an email, huh?" or "Why is your Excel sheet formatted that way?" Whether work-related or not, unless you are my boss (who is most likely watching over my screen remotely...Hi Boss, you look lovely today!), you have no right to observe or comment on what I do at work. Now I know The Hoverer usually doesn't mean any harm and is usually either bored with their own work or just trying to make conversation in a very awkward and rude fashion. We will forgive that type of Hoverer.

The type of Hoverer we cannot forgive though, is The Hoverer who will spy on what you are doing, keeping track in some dirty, foul-minded log, with which he or she will report to the boss. The corporate form of "snitching," a disgusting pastime. Now we don't have one here, but I have heard of friends who have encountered this type of Hoverer. My only suggestion for you, besides the above computer locking precautions, are that if and when your boss calls you into his or her office and confronts you with The Hoverer's observations politely note that while you appreciate his or her diligence, perhaps it would be more effective for The Hoverer to spend more time at his or her own desk, doing work, than monitoring the actions of everyone else in the office. Reader's, particularly those of you at work, watch your backs!

Not So Quotable Notables

2008-07-24T10:43:00.000-04:00

Recently at a fundraiser in Texas, President Bush said this:
“There’s no question about it,” President Bush said. “Wall Street got drunk, that’s one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras. It got drunk and now it’s got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.”
This ties into my post yesterday about diction and text-speak. Besides the obviously ridiculous comparison he is making here, using phrases like "got drunk," "got a hangover," and "try to do all these fancy financial instruments" just makes him seem stupid. I'm not arguing whether or not he actually is stupid, but when you speak poorly, that is the impression you give others.

I'm sure there are many instances of presidents using ill-advised phrases and poor grammar, it's just that our current president has so many offenses against him that Washington Post writer Richard Thompson created an entire poem gleaned from phrases Bush has used in his public speaking engagements. You can find the poem and their sources here: http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/piehigher.asp

Just a last note from TheDomina, in case you have been swayed by the way certain people pronounce certain words, "nuclear" is actually pronounced "nu-cle-ar" and not "nu-cu-lar."

"Oh, by the way, when are you due?"

2008-07-23T10:10:00.000-04:00

Oh, you mean, when am I due with this food baby I am carrying? Right. The old adage, never ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see the baby emerging from her nether-regions may be an overstatement, but it's a cautionary tale.

Commenting on other's weight-whether baby-related or not-is not appropriate in any setting unless you are actually said person's doctor/nutritionist/health specialist/etc. There is nothing like having a random stranger or mild acquaintance or family member even, come up to you and say, "Oh, TheDomina, have you lost/gained weight since I've seen you? With those judgmental eyes of shame upon me, I am forced to say, "oh, no, this outfit is just slimming/fattening/optical illusion" and run away from the conversation. For some reason when you are pregnant, people feel free to point out how large you have become, or if they believe you aren't gaining enough weight. I will tell you readers here and now, if someone is pregnant, it does not mean the baby growing inside them has sucked all of their personal insecurities and emotions out of them, they still do not welcome your comments on their girth.

Leaving the worst of all for last, asking the non-pregnant woman, when she is due. If you know someone intimately and they have told you they are pregnant, it is quite nice of you to inquire the due date and show a general interest in their well-being, however, do not ask the person you work with, haven't seen in a long time, or on the train/bus/etc if they are pregnant or when they are due. People come in all shapes and sizes and generally, we know what size we are, we do not need you to point that out for us.*

*Of course this rule does not apply if you fear a close friend or family member is ill with some form of eating disorder or other drastic illness that changes their weight. If you are concerned for someone's health, please tactfully approach them with your concerns.

The correct way to respond to a "Thank you"

2008-07-23T09:15:00.001-04:00

Good morning lovely readers. Today I am addressing something that annoys me, even when I am guilty of it, inappropriate responses to people who thank you for doing something. I hear it all of the time on NPR, guests come on, the host says, Well, thank you for taking the time to join us" and the guest says, "no, thank you for having me" or "no problem, it was a pleasure". While these may sound fine in daily speech, it is a case of the eroding of the proper English language that irritates me.

The correct response would be "You're welcome, it was a pleasure, thank you for having me" or "You're welcome, thank you for inviting me." Notice, "you're welcome" always comes first. The reason being that when you say, "no problem" or "don't worry about it" you are implying that it was indeed a burden for you but that they shouldn't worry about it, quite passive aggressive, no? When you say, "you're welcome" or "it was my pleasure" you are implying that you are happy to help and that it wasn't a burden, therefore coming off as a genuinely nice person and not a passive aggressive score-keeper.

The problem with losing these notions is tied into something I hold near and dear to me, the use of so-called "text" speak in polite conversation, written correspondence, and essays. I understand that texts should be short and to the point, same with blog comments and their ilk, and in those cases text speak is perfectly acceptable, however, it should never bleed over into your other aspects of life. One should not write a school essay or professional paper littered with incorrect words that are written as they sound, just as one should not verbally say things like "obvs," "totes," "LOL" (especially LOL, either one is laughing or one is not). Please, protect our language, it may grow and we may add to it, but the core principles should not be forsaken!

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît

2008-07-15T09:12:00.000-04:00

More commonly known as "Respondez S'il Vous Plait" or, simply, "RSVP." When did it become acceptable to ignore an invitation with the assumption that you are either too important to respond, or that the host or hostess will call you to confirm your attendance or absence? After recently planning a bridal shower I was astounded to find that less than half of the invitees responded to me at all. I was left to call everyone else on the list and badger them for their answer. And while this may be acceptable behavior if the invitation states "Regrets only" or "Acceptances only" this was not the case. Not to mention with the lack of responses at all how can one rely that their responses are a true figure of the regrets or accepts only?

There was a time when if you received a written invitation, you would sit down and reply, in writing to that person with your response, things have modernized these days to include emails, telephone calls, and pre-printed and stamped response cards, and yet, with all of these "modern conveniences" the response is still dismal. It is not the host or hostess' job to track you down and beg you to attend his or her soirée, so, ladies and gentleman, please, take to your pens, your computers, your telephones, your mobiles, and please, Répondez S'il Vous Plaît!

"When are you going to get pregnant?"

2008-07-14T09:10:00.000-04:00

Photo from the National Institute of Health

What makes people assume that they have a right to inquire about the state of your uterus? I hear this complaint from actually pregnant women all of the time, from women who ask the sex, if it is twins, comment on how big/small you look, want to touch your burgeoning belly, there is not end. I originally thought this was confined to my gravid sisters, but apparently the general public feels free to comment on any woman's condition, at any time.

I was at the bank soon after I was wed to change my bank account information and the nice young man who was helping me said, "Oh, are you pregnant?" I looked at him with such shock and dismay, and wondering if I did indeed look the part, that he followed up his question..."Well, I just got married the same time as you and my wife is already pregnant." At which time he looked down at my paperwork, more specifically at my age, and said, "I mean, you're not getting any younger you know. Don't you want to make your husband happy with a baby? Why else would you get married if you didn't want to have kids?" The fact that this bank teller was attempting to counsel me on not only having children but also my marriage astounded me to the point of speechlessness. When did society lose any sense of privacy and decency? It is one thing if an old town biddie whom you have known since childhood accosts you with these questions, or a doting grandmother, but for a complete stranger to pose this to me is a breach of all common decency. Of course, I promptly switched my bank. So dear readers, regale me with your tales of invaded privacy if you please....

The Domina Needs Your Help

2008-07-11T14:05:00.000-04:00

Gasp! I know! The Domina is having an etiquette dilemma today which requires her lovely readers' input. The topic?--the dreaded phrase "dressing for your age." (Cue the horror film music here).

Now, I have long heard the mantra that women over 30 (or is it 35? Even the advice changes) should not wear skirts above the knee. Now, in her heart, The Domina knows that just because one is over 30, it does not mean that an inch above the knee is taboo, just as she knows that she should not wear a mini-skirt that would come in handy whilst visiting your OB/GYN. However, this does not stop her from breaking out into a cold sweat every time she longs to wear a skirt, just ever so slightly, ABOVE HER KNEE!

Obviously, one should dress their age, in that a woman in her 30s and 40s should not be wearing the clothing styles of teenagers (for all of you moms out there dressing in your daughter's teen wardrobe, please, step away from the sparkly spaghetti strap tanks slowly). But this advice is entirely too general for The Domina. She needs your soothing words to help her through this wardrobean crisis. So dear readers, what exactly is the protocol for dressing your age without looking dowdy and ::GASP:: older than you are?

2008-07-10T14:37:00.000-04:00

(image from Britannica online)

Imagine this scenario: You are minding your own business, walking down a narrow hallway. Down the hall you see a person walking towards you, all of a sudden you see their nose squinch up, they take a deep breath, and out flys the loudest sneeze you've ever heard. You can imagine their sneeze forcing its way down the hall towards like a category 5 hurricane of cold and flu germs. That's bad enough, but what you don't see (which I've helpfully pictured above) is that you're actually being sprayed by tens of thousands of droplets from this person. The hurricane hits dead on.

Yes, this happened to me. Only, I was not down the hall. No, no, dear readers, I was walking down the hall passing a stranger when they turned and sneezed, all.over.me. I didn't know if I should run screaming from the building to the nearest shower or take the person to task right there. While it isn't technically the cold and flu season, I still don't want your sneeze droplets, thank you very much.

Oh, and just so you know, while it is considered polite to sneeze into a tissue or a handkerchief, you shouldn't sneeze into your hands because you will further spread the droplets when you touch something. If you must use a body part, please sneeze into your elbow, and the same goes for coughs.

Bathroom Etiquette

2008-07-09T09:15:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, this is not regarding the age-old battle of the sexes argument of seat up/seat down, it is, courtesy in the office toilets. I work in a smallish office, one that does not have very many people in it, and we share a bathroom.

Inevitably, there are the women who will always try to have a conversation with you while you are hovering in the toilet stall. Why do people not understand that when I see you in the bathroom at work and say, "Oh, hi, how are you?" I don't want to hear about your bursitis and your 15 cats, I want you to say "Fine, thanks." and leave. The lavatory is no place for a lengthy discussion, so please, don't elaborate, I've only said hello to be polite, it is my nature.

What is worse than the chatterers, though, are the ladies who don't use the courtesy flush. I have, any number of times, entered a stall to see an enormous wad of toilet paper balled up, floating there for everyone to see, or worse, the remnants of the last user floating around the bowl. Now, I expect this sort of thing in airport stalls, and other heavily trafficked lavatories; I do not expect this offensive vision in my office, where only 6 women use the stalls. And what is worse, I believe I know the identity of the offender of both the floater and the wadded paper ball. Now, being a stickler for good manners, I would never confront them, but it is obvious who needs a lesson in less is more, and the ever-helpful, courtesy flush. Ladies, to your stalls!

I have officially become my grandmother

2008-07-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe not "my" grandmother, but at the very least someone's slightly cranky, outspoken, and rather militant grandmother who is otherwise a very sweet and nice, caftan-wearing, lovely.

Teenagers, and "tweens" (though I shudder to use this word), please, turn your cell phones off. Adults, you have no escaped the Domina's wrath either because you too, are guilty. I do not need to hear your conversation about your STIs, your sad-sack husband, your "very important" business deal, or your "like ohmygod" problems while I am innocently trying to buy groceries, lunch, or check out a book. SSSssshhh please at the library.

Indignation aside, when did the world's population decide it was perfectly acceptable to carry on entirely personal conversations in a loud voice in public? I realize it is an entirely different situation while you are at the airport, or in an emergency, however, your best friend/mom/business partner/boyfriend/girlfriend does not ABSOLUTELY REQUIRE the intimate details of your affair with a married man/details of your baby's excrement or your diet/the current deal on the table/sexual liaisons/problems with your parents while you are grocery shopping or at the theater. Truly, it can wait until you are safely ensconced in your car or home, please do not unleash these torrents of TMI to the world, we do not appreciate it.